Sunday, December 4, 2016

Here’s What Your Thumb Reveals About Your Personality.


Hold out your thumb and point it upward as if giving the thumbs up sign. Check the angle of the thumb. Is it standing straight or does it curve?

This says something about your personality.

STRAIGHT THUMB


Some people have a straight thumb when they give a thumbs up. There’s no bend to the bones at all, and the thumb doesn’t even slightly retract backwards over the knuckle.

The straight thumb could mean that you’re a more serious person than most. Though you don’t show your excitability, it doesn’t mean you’re a downer.

CROOKED THUMB


Then, we’ve got the crooked thumb. As you can see, the back of it curves. It can curve a lot or a little, depending on the person.

A crooked thumb mean you are so much expressive you want to express your feelings with all and put yours thought out.


OBTUSE ANGLE


A person whose thumb makes an obtuse angle with the index finger is a gem. Such thumbs are well-built, long and lean. They are called tender thumbs. People who have such thumbs are calm and thoughtful. They usually make great artists and musicians.


THE FIRST HALF IS LONGER THAN THE SECOND HALF

Unlike the fingers, your thumb is divided into parts. Now if your first half/upper phalange (biological term for bones of the fingers and thumbs) is longer than the second phalange, then you are driven by a strong sense of will power.

Check your thumb, because this means that you are a hard-working person with an iron will! In matters of love, you are 100% dedicated, and you are extremely faithfull.

THE SECOND HALF IS LONGER THAN THE FIRST HALF

If the second half is longer than the first one, then you make all your decisions based on logic, instead of will power. You tend to restrain yourself when it comes to falling and feeling in love, and as a result you may miss out on dome golden opportunities to find a suitable life partner.

Try overcoming this issue, if you want to find love, just listen to your and let logic a back-seat for once.


So which type do you have? Are you the seriously straight-thumbed type, or the animated, curved, life of the thumb party?

Friday, December 2, 2016

The Top 10 Reasons Why Empaths Are Sick Of Your Bullsh*t


For those who don’t know what an Empath is, I shall explain. Derived from the Greek “em” (in) and “pathos” (feeling), the term empathic means you’re able to “feel into” others’ feelings. But for empaths, this sensitivity is magnified to the nth degree. An empath is more tuned in, more empathic, and more sensitive to others than the average empathic person.

Do you think you’re an empath? If so, your emotions are probably all over the place lately. It would seem more and more of us are ‘fed up’ with how things are lately.. And there’s plenty of good reasons for that.  You absorb other people’s mood, often without realizing it’s even happening. Many empaths are misdiagnosed with depression, bipolar disorders, etc. They think it’s their emotions they are feeling, when in fact it is someone else’s. This is probably why the following quote tends to resonate with us empaths so much.

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” – William Gibson
On that note, here are the following 10 reasons are why I think so many empaths these days are feeling completely fed up with certain people’s bullshit:

1) We can tell when you’re being untruthful. 
This is the biggest one, and that is why I’m mentioning it first. If you lie to an empath, chances are they will know right away. They may not know 100% for sure if you’re lying, but they will almost always get some warning alarms going off in their head. This is because we can sense dishonesty and discomfort. It can be anything from a seemingly harmless fib to a blatant, in your face lie.

2) We can sense a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
This one sort-of goes hand in hand with the 1st. Perhaps the greatest tool in an empath’s kit is the ability to spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s often someone who claims to have great intentions but actually have the worst. Empaths are often wise beyond their years and can see right through the act.

3) We know when your praise is fake.
Fake people are always trying to get on your good side in any way they can, and empaths are able to sniff that kinda thing out. They can tell when the praise you’re offering is fake, sarcastic or demeaning, and they won’t have any of it.

4) We can sense your hatred or jealousy.
Empaths are a bit like the Jedi – they can sense the hate that runs through people. When someone is being a fake friend, they can tell. When someone holds a grudge, they can sense it. They can tell if you haven’t moved on from your past feelings. They can almost always tell when you’re putting on a front.

5) We can tell when you’re being prejudice.
Let’s be frank here. Some people are racists and bigots. That’s just how it is, and how it’s been for a long time with us humans. Even though some people are brazen enough to say rude things out loud (which tends to really piss off an empath) lots of other people are more inclined to keep those kinds of thoughts to themselves. Regardless of that, we can still sense them.

6) We know when you’re not ‘fine’.
If you want to avoid a discussion about your emotions, that’s perfectly okay. But when you say you’re ‘fine’ and you’re actually not, we can tell. That’s because we can usually tell when someone is uncomfortable, stressed, scared or angry about something, even if their face doesn’t say it.

7) We know when you’re holding yourself back.
Often, people aren’t acting fake because they want to be malicious, but rather, because they aren’t comfortable with their true selves or their life situation. Maybe you’re stopping yourself from reaching your true potential. Whatever it may be, we can see when you’re not ‘giving it your all’.

8) We know when you’re being destructive.
Some people are their own worst enemies. Or perhaps they just love to play the victim and stir up drama for fun. (Online trolling is one of many examples) Or maybe you’re playing the tough guy when you’re actually a big softie or a bit insecure. Whatever it is, we can see right through it like we do just about everything else.

9) We know when you’re not being the REAL you.
Sometimes people pretend to be someone or something they’re not because they like to show off. Some people even take it to the next level, and like to build a totally new personality to hide the person they believe will not be accepted by society. Whatever it is, we can see through that too.

10) We can tell when you’re trying to hustle us.
Last but not least, empaths can almost always tell when you’re trying to get one over on us, or take advantage of us. We know when we’re being used and we hate it. Empaths are very generous people who give their time, money and resources to those in need. We can tell you’re really appreciative of the help, or if you’re really just taking us for a ride. It’s just that sometimes we don’t care enough to call people out on it.

Written by Journalist, Activist, Researcher (and Empath) Lara Starr  

Thursday, December 1, 2016

We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason.


“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~ Unknown

It’s Been Said That We Really Only Fall In Love With Three People In Our Lifetime.

Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children.

This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.

Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.

It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.

It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.

Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years.

Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us.

And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age 80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all.

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones, and perhaps they are.

But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not.

Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.

What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose to stay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.

The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something pretty amazing about our third.

The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.

You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown

Author: Kate Rose

Published by: elephantjournal

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

The Rise of the Empath and the Narcissist


It seems like every other day I am seeing an article on my Facebook feed about narcissists, empaths and romances between narcissists and empaths.

Both empaths and narcissist are buzz words that people seem to be using more and more to describe themselves or people they know.

What it is interesting is that I have observed that narcissist are like the shadow of the empath. Whatever the light touches also casts a shadow, and I feel that both narcissists and empaths are one side of the same coin.

What is a Narcissist? 
Firstly, narcissism is a mental disorder, however today the term is being used more freely to describe people who most likely are living from a place of extreme ego.

No one is born a narcissistic, it is a behaviour pattern that is developed over time. Narcissists are described as being manipulative, lacking empathy, having split personalities, being controlling and having a heightened sense of self importance.

On a deeper level however, perhaps the narcissist is an empath themselves, but just can’t seem to figure out how to handle all of their emotions. This then results in them shutting out their emotions, feeding the ego and turning into a seemingly emotionless person.
Perhaps a narcissist has so much empathy that they don’t know what to do with, so it manifests as them displaying narcissistic tendencies.

What is an Empath?

The term empath is also being used more freely to describe people who are highly intuitive and extremely sensitive to energy.

We are all intuitive and sensitive to energy to some degree, but empaths are here to light the way and to hold the torch for other people to follow. Empaths are here to increase our awareness to energy and that we are all energetic beings.

The same goes for the narcissist, they are simply holding the torch to expose the ego and how it can take over and make the person seem almost inhumane.

Empaths and narcissist have always been around, but as our consciousness continues to evolve, we are becoming more aware of these behaviour patterns.

Why Empaths and Narcissists Attract 
If we look at narcissists who are empaths that simply cannot use their gifts, then it would make sense as to why an empath and a narcissist would be attracted to one another.

Both the empath and the narcissist would recognize themselves in one another. The empath would want to cure and help the narcissist and the narcissist would want to learn and perhaps even suck energy from the empath as a way to cope.

Often we view the narcissist as a spineless villain who is out to take advantage of the empath, but perhaps really deep down on a subconscious level, the narcissist is trying to understand how the empath has been able to use their gifts.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that the empath should tolerate or become a victim of the narcissists behaviour, but perhaps this may explain why an empath would get sucked into this type of relationship.

On a deeper level, the empath can see the narcissists cry for help and guidance. In this type of relationship, the empath is responding to something much deeper and below the surface.

There is no doubt that the empath is the narcissists greatest teacher, it is just up to the narcissist to embrace the lesson. But it is important to understand that it is not the empaths responsibility to change the ways of the narcissist.

For those empaths who have been or currently are in a relationship with someone displaying narcissistic behaviour, it is important to understand that you are not responsible for healing them. Only the narcissist can do that when they realize that they too are an energetic being that has been gripped by the fear of the ego.

Just the same, the narcissist is most likely going to be the empaths greatest teacher as it will help to expand their gifts and expose any self-limiting beliefs that are blocking the empath from living their life to the fullest.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Abuse Victims Are Not Codependent, They’re Trauma-Bonded


Ever had a victim-blamer claim you were “codependent”? That you in some way deserved the abuse, or that it was your fault? Let them know: codependency was a term historically used to describe interactions between addicts and their loved ones, not victims and abusers. Dr. Clare Murphy asserts that abuse victims can actually exhibit codependent traits as a result of trauma, not because they are, in fact, codependent.

Contrary to popular myth, anyone can be victimized by an abuser - even one with strong boundaries initially, because covert abuse is insidious and unbelievably traumatic, resulting in symptoms of PTSD, Complex PTSD or, if they were abused by a malignant narcissist, what is known as Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. Remember that abuse involves a slow erosion of boundaries over time. The abuser first idealizes the victim, then begins to test and push the boundaries of the victim once he or she has already been conned into the sham of a relationship. Meanwhile, the survivor of abuse is like a frog in slowly boiling water, gaslit into believing that it is all their fault, not knowing the danger they’re in until it’s too late.

What if you believe you are truly codependent in some way? It’s important to keep in mind that the the lines can be blurred between our own traits versus the psychological reliance that arises from having to survive an abusive, unpredictable and tumultuous environment. I don’t think it’s a problem for a survivor of their own accord to say, “I have codependent traits” and work on healing those - especially if they had them before the abusive relationship, but for society to see codependency as the sole reason why abuse has occurred, and use it to blame the abuse victim when there are plenty of victims who were never codependent prior to the experience, is where the harm comes in.

We need to stop stereotyping all abuse victims as codependent and start refocusing on the traumatic bond that forms between abuser and survivor, regardless of the victim’s traits. In some contexts, it may be helpful to pinpoint codependent traits and behaviors during the healing journey, but when the label codependent is used to shame, stigmatize or blame abuse survivors, it becomes very problematic and harmful. We need to be able to take into account the idea that emotional and psychological abuse, much like assault or any other form of physical violence, is not our fault. We can own our agency and heal without having to blame ourselves in the process. The fault lies with the perpetrator, not with the victim.

It is not the victim’s fault for ‘choosing’ the abuser either, because victims rarely consciously choose an abuser.  They choose someone who appears rather kind, caring and compassionate at the onset. The victim falls in love and invests in the false mask an abuser portrays, and rarely the true self. It is only when they are invested in the relationship that the mask begins to slip and the terror begins.

Once someone has been traumatized, again and again by someone who claimed to love them, once an abuser has warped the victim’s reality and caused him or to mistrust their perceptions through gaslighting, once a victim has been made to believe he or she is worthless, they are already traumatically bonded to their abusers. It takes a great deal of professional support, validation and resources in order for victims to detach from their abusers and begin to heal.

There is only one person who can “control” the abuse, and that is the abuser alone. There is a great deal of variety within the survivor group and we have to acknowledge that there are many survivors who come into the abusive relationship very independent, strong-willed, and empathic, but their strengths are exploited, manipulated and slowly broken down by the abuser over time. It doesn’t matter how codependent or how independent we are, because abusers will abuse their victims regardless - that is their nature. In fact, they would probably enjoy the challenge if a victim was independent, as sick as they are.

When it comes to living in a perpetual war zone of intermittent kindness and chronic cruelty, there is no ‘enabling’ of the abuse, merely a need to survive in a hostile environment. There is a clear power imbalance between abuser and victim as the abuser ‘manages down’ the victim’s expectations, threatens, controls, coerces, blameshifts and projects onto the victim his or her own vile attributes. As the victim is verbally abused, psychologically terrorized and emotionally assaulted, he or she has to find ways to minimize, rationalize, deny and ‘bond’ with the abuser in an effort to survive.

This is a survival mechanism known as ‘trauma bonding,’ and victim-blamers ought to educate themselves on it, because anyone can be made to ‘act’ or ‘appear’ codependent simply by being traumatized in the first place. As I describe in my article, Your Brain on Love, Sex and the Narcissist as well as my book, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare, abuse has traumatic effects on the brain, tying us psychologically, biochemically and psychologically with our abusers.  This bond has very little to do with codependency, and everything to do with the traumatic effects of abuse. Even a highly independent victim who is strong-willed at the beginning of the relationship can begin to demonstrate symptoms of the trauma bond, PTSD or Complex PTSD - because it doesn’t have anything to do with the traits of the victim when it comes to trauma. No one is immune to the effects of severe, life-changing trauma and chronic abuse - no one.

Even if you feel you have codependent traits or were ‘primed’ by childhood abuse, the abuse you’ve experienced in any stage of your life is still not your fault.  You are not an “enabler” of the abuser. You are a victim who has been traumatically bonded to an abuser as an effort to survive. Understand the trauma bond, and you will understand how it is different from your actual feelings of disgust, anger and pain towards your abuser. Your authentic feelings about your abuser are buried beneath the apparently inextricable bond. In order to extricate yourself, you must develop a separation between the bond and your actual reality of the abuse. Write about the abuse when you feel safe to do so; consult a trauma-informed, validating mental health professional; speak with other survivors to validate the manipulation and mistreatment you’ve endured.

Holding onto the reality of the abuse, as well as your true feelings about it, is one of the most important things you can do in order to resist the gaslighting effect, release self-blame and begin to break the chains of the trauma bond. The bond may keep you attached to your abuser, but it is possible to sever it and regain your power.

CROSS-POSTED AT THE HUFFINGTON POST.

Copyright © 2016 by Shahida Arabi. 
All rights reserved. This article is derived from copyrighted excerpts from my book, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself. No part of this entry may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author. This includes adaptations in all forms of media.

Friday, November 25, 2016

7 Ways People Who Have Been Emotionally Abused Love Differently


The scars are internal.

When it comes to abusive relationships, it isn’t always just physical abuse. While this isn’t meant to detract from the issue of domestic abuse that far too many men/women have suffered (and still suffer), it’s to address the fact that emotional abuse can be just as damaging, but in completely different ways.

When you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s not always noticeable right away. You don’t bear the bruises of a physical attack, but you’re still scarred in many ways, and that scarring leaves an imprint that can affect every future relationship.

It’s hard to love again after you’ve been manipulated, put down, controlled, belittled, and made to feel worthless by someone who was supposed to love you and care about you.

As someone who’s been emotionally abused in the past and can now clearly see it, I’m also able to see how it changed my idea of relationships and my approach to love. Here are seven ways those of us who have been emotionally abused love differently:

1. We keep our distance longer than most.
Even if we think we’re really into you, we’re going to keep our distance. We’ll keep you at arm’s length, might not text you back immediately, and definitely won’t want to spend too much time with you. We just don’t want to get too close.

2. We play it close to the chest.
After you’ve been emotionally abused, being able to open up freely is painful. We don’t want to put ourselves in a vulnerable situation again and when you open up about yourself, that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re exposing the bits and pieces of you that all of a sudden make you a target. For us, it’s safer if we just keep some things to ourselves.

3. We take it slow.
I don’t mean just physically slow, but emotionally and mentally slow. Like a wounded puppy, it’s hard not to proceed with caution. It’s just an instinctual way of protecting ourselves from further harm.

4. We’re overly-suspicious.
When you’ve been with someone who’s put you down over and over — saying you’re no good and are worthless — you just can’t help but wonder why anyone would want to be into you ever again. If you tell us you love us and we look at you weird, it’s not that the feeling isn’t mutual; rather, we’re still a bit unclear as to what about us might be appealing or lovable to someone else.

5. We’re hesitant about getting to know the people in your life.
When you start to get to know the friends and family of the person you’re in a relationship with, it means things are getting serious. It also means that your lives are becoming more and more intertwined. It can feel a bit scary, so we proceed with caution.

6. We’re affectionate, but on our own terms.
When I first met my husband, he was baffled by how little affection I gave him. Even at the height of our love, I had to be affectionate on my own terms. If he cuddled up to me, sometimes I’d pull away. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be close to him, but after the relationship before where affection was so minimal, it took me a long time to learn how to cuddle again and to enjoy it.

7. We assume the worst (but hope for the best).
When you’ve been mistreated by someone you love, you automatically build up a wall around your heart. You become guarded, protective, and you hand out your love in pieces, bit by bit. Because this is the case, we naturally assume that things won’t last or that we’ll be hurt again.

Of course, we hope it won’t be reminiscent of the past, but we do assume the worst longer than most. It’s simply a coping mechanism, and one that works for many of us.


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

7 Signs Your Guardian Angel Is Trying To Contact You


In life we seek comfort from our loved ones in moments of trouble. But where do you turn to if no one is there to help? But for luckily, spiritual gurus believe that guardian angels are at our sides at all times.

I think this mystery is an inherent aspect of the infinite universe. As an element of infinity, we all see different answers.

Regardless of how you visualize the truth, the manner that angels appear have stayed the same for a long time.

7 Signs your guardian angel is trying to contact you:

1.) Different Colored Lights Will Appear
Seeing shafts of light streaming or shooting around you are definite indications of angels. You may notice sparks of light or become very aware of shadows around you. Don’t be afraid. Angels don’t want to harm you.

2.) Feathers
One of the most common signs of angels is a small feather. This is especially true if the feather is found somewhere where feathers are not commonly found. Angels like to leave feathers as a reminder that they are there, and watching over us. This is especially true if someone has found a white feather.

3.) Unexplained Fragrances
Have you ever been at home or in the wilderness, a place where random scents are hard to find, and smelled something amazing? If you can smell an inconsistent smell to your surroundings and its very pleasant, an angel could be a hug away.

4. Voices Murmuring To You
While this is absolutely an indication you are bat shit crazy, in this context that’s a good thing! You are open to the inclinations of the universe, where others are remaining closed off.

5.) Communication Through Dreams
You may not remember the dream but you’ll feel lighter, stronger and more sure of a direction to take.

6.) Cloud Formations
Have you ever looked into the sky and noticed a strange cloud formation? Some experts believe that our guardian angels communicate with us through the clouds.
Formations such as angel wings, hearts, and flowers are commonly seen by people who observe the heavens. These beautiful signs are often placed right before our eyes. However, it is up to us to believe in the signals that our guardian angels send to us.

7.) Changes in Temperature
The room may get warmer or colder inexplicably. The way angels vibrate can slow or speed up the molecules in the air, resulting in a change in temperature. Pay attention to what you are doing or thinking and feel out what is being communicated.


Source-in5d.com