Sunday, November 6, 2016

4 Things No Contact Does For You

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No Contact is vital to a successful healing journey for one main reason, it works. It’s been proven time and time again. 

What is No Contact? It’s just that, zero contact of any kind. It means blocking them on social media, blocking their phone number(s) on your phone, blocking email, texting apps, basically, in any way that they can get to you because chances are at some point, they will reach out at some point and try to contact you. It may be a day, a week, a year, two years, five years, whatever unless you seal the holes completely your ship to freedom runs the risk of sinking. No Contact is no peeking as well. No Contact is the hardest part after the initial discard from a psychopath.

I see so many people struggle with going No Contact because it’s hard at first, and it takes a concentrated effort at a time when concentrating on anything seems like a monumental task. I see those who struggle with the personal buy-in and can’t see what it can do for them. In my day job, we have what is referred to as a WIFM (What Is In It For Me). It’s my job to educate the customer so that they understand their WIFM. So it’s my hope that you see your WIFM in No Contact. 

*I know there are those of you out there that cannot go No Contact due to having children, family, or work situations that prevent you from going full No Contact. I get that, so please don’t be offended when I say this article isn’t for you. This is for those who can go 100% No Contact but have yet to remove the toxic person from their life.*



1. You immediately withdraw from the Toxic Tornado. 

You know that tornado of drama and chaos that surrounds your every waking minute? The emotions that seem to be in a constant confusing swirl; the anxiety that seems to eat away at your last nerve, guess what? It goes away in time with No Contact. Suddenly things start to quiet down in your life. This can be very unsettling in the very beginning. The sudden switch from hyper-alert to what feels like nothingness and devoid of activity is the pendulum swing, and that’s okay and normal. All survivors experience this in the beginning. Think about an actual tornado; things are thrown everywhere, there is destruction left in the wake of its path. The preceding is your life as long as you remain in contact with a psychopath, sociopath, and narcissist. If you need one more visual, think of swimming in a pool. If someone throws you in the pool, you have no time plan your landing, and it can hurt you a lot! But if you jump in, you can see where you are headed and take measures to ensure that softest landing possible. That is what going No Contact is doing. You are in some control of your landing, instead of being tossed half hazard out the side. 


2. You allow yourself space and time to heal. 

You need your space. You need time to think, and you need time not to have chaos always swirling around you. You need time to process what just happened. By going No Contact, you give yourself the needed space to mourn the loss of the relationship, mourn the loss of a person that said you were soul mates. You need time to sort your feelings without having to worry about upsetting the fruit basket. You need “me” time and No Contact affords you that time. 


3. The Fog lifts and Clarity to your mind returns. 

This is the part of No Contact where your assessment skills kick in, and you start to see the relationship for what it was, a toxic waste dump where the psychopath did their very best to undermine you, your values, and principals in any way they could. You start to see the psychopath for who they are, an empty void inhabiting a human body. You begin to recognize that they are evil with anything but your best interest in mind. You see yourself, and you realize your growth, and suddenly you begin to notice your inner-peace return.


4. You realize that you are stronger than you ever previously thought possible. 

When you first go No Contact, it is like your body is detoxing from a drug. In essence, it is. You are detoxing from the constant dosing of Oxytocin and Adrenaline. It’s brutal, and so hard! The urge for just one more “fix” can cause you to rationalize things like just peeking would suffice. Oh but then maybe just hearing their voice would help, or if you could just have that final conversation and try to get some closure. But each and every time you break No Contact you end up feeling worse than you did before. I know as I’ve done the same thing. But then I got to a point where I knew that I couldn’t keep repeating a cycle that was killing me from the inside. So I took it day by day. Some go hour by hour, whatever works for you to help you stick to it. Eventually, you will come to the realization that you stronger than you ever thought possible. You just have to give yourself a chance to experience that.


Think of No Contact as your protective dome or storm shelter. No Contact keeps you safe so that you can start the process of putting the pieces of your life back together. No Contact gives you a fighting chance so do yourself a favor and try it! Your future self will thank you for it.

Article Author: LuckyLaura

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